Guidelines for speaking to a pregnant woman…

I have noticed that a great deal of the general public, not gender specific, has a difficult time with appropriate comments to pregnant women.  I’m sure that many of you who have been pregnant in the past have experienced something stupid being said to you.  Being pregnant with my fourth child, I have endured an overwhelming (although not surprising) amount of this stupidity.  So I decided to develop a guideline for those who may struggle with what to say and what NOT to say to a pregnant woman.

Let’s start with the WHAT NOT TO SAY:


~Ask someone who is expecting if this was a “planned” pregnancy.

Why? This is not your business… None of my children were planned however it seems as though someone else had a bigger plan for us.  Asking someone if they planned their pregnancy is like asking what type of birth control they use and why it didn’t work.  Also, many people are not as fortunate as others and have to go through a great deal to “plan” their pregnancy.  They may not want to share this with you as it is very emotional and personal for both parents.

~Ask someone who’s expecting if their pregnancy was an “Accident.”

Please see the above explanation for why this is NOT appropriate.  If you’re a real idiot… read it twice more.  For the record NONE of my children where an “accident” we have been very blessed.

~Tell someone that’s pregnant she “needs to find another hobby.”

Without becoming too graphic and truly commenting on how totally offensive this comment is, I will only say contrary to popular believe this is NOT funny to the person that is subjected to your stupidity.  My response to this is: “Really.  Seems to me like you need to find a brain… moron.”

~Ask someone that’s pregnant if she knows “what keeps causing this?”

 Again, NOT funny and really offensive.  My response: “Do you know what’s causing your stupidity?  You should really see a medical professional about that.”

~Ask someone who’s pregnant “how many kids you gonna have?”

My response: “I didn’t realize I was having goats.  Should I review my dinner plans with you as well?”

~Tell a pregnant woman that her “hind end is getting wider, that she’s starting to get linebacker shoulders or that she looks like she’s put on some weight.”

Obviously this is from some idiot man who’s taking his life into his own hands.  I’m mean really… talk about a death wish.  Why would you say that to a woman period, let alone a pregnant woman.  If you are dumb enough to say something that moronic, you deserve whatever rath you receive.

~Say things like “You keep having all these kids and you’re gonna start fallen apart.”

It is not true that having children, more than two or three, will ruin you as a woman.  Your teeth don’t fall out and you don’t become sickly (this is my father’s belief… he’s a father of 5 by the way).  My Mother had 5 children and seems to being doing quite well at the age of 72.  My Grandmother had 12 children and was a spunky, intelligent old lady who died at the age of 90.


DO Say things like:

~You really are starting to glow.

~Were you a little surprised when you found out?

~Congratulations, you have such a beautiful family.

~It’s nice to have a big family.

~I’m so happy for you.

Remember: if you can’t say something intelligent, then don’t speak at all.


Published by

Meghan Dwyer

Meghan K. Dwyer is an aspiring writer, misanthrope, cystic fibrosis advocate, wife and mother of four beautiful children. She lives in rural Western New York with her husband Chris and their four children Braeden, Kian, Kelan, and Ailey. She has a love of writing and in her spare time, enjoys a good book, sharing a glass of wine with friends or family and gardening. The name of her blog A Message of Mean from Meghan was inspired by an email containing that title, which was sent to her sister and friend. Her writing is full of sarcasm and truthful, yet at times, abrasive humor. Her blog is about sharing her thoughts of her day, confessions as a mother, and opinions about life in general as a kind of therapy. Meghan has written two romance novels in her Ellington Manor Series- a three book publication. When One Door Closes and Almost Forgotten are both available now on and Barns&, as well as her other works, A Message of Mean from Meghan and newly published Confessions of a Bad Mom. She is currently working on Hoping for Happiness, the final book in the Ellington Manor Series.

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