Sleep deprivation and its disclaimer…


I picked Kian up from school the other day and found that he was just waking from his brief nap during rest period.  He isn’t exactly a peach when he gets woken up and had a bit of a grump on.

I gave him a hug and helped him on with his coat while his teacher came over to try to cheer him up a bit.  I began to explain to her that he hadn’t gone to bed as early as he should have and that his current state of irritability was a direct result.  She laughed and chatted about how she totally understood.  As a first time mom with a little baby, she’s not been sleeping well either.  She said that she should come with a disclaimer “I look like this because I’m severely sleep deprived.”  Understanding her plight all too well, I chuckled and empathized with her.  I explained that I used to be kind of pretty before complete exhaustion had taken over.

I always feel sorry for the novice parent because I think getting used to being sleep deprived is the hardest adjustment to having a child. It does get easier after a while and by that I mean… you get used to being completely exhausted.  I do have to say however, it has some interesting long-term effects.

For instance, I was up the other morning fixing the baby a bottle.  I had been up throughout the night with a vomiting child (again) and had a total of two hours of consistent sleep.  As I ran water to make the bottle, I grab ginger ale from the refrigerator.  I set it on the counter, scooped formula into the bottle and then reached for a cup to pour the ginger ale.  I set the cup down, shut the water off and then pour 6 oz. of ginger ale into the baby’s bottle-  with the formula.

A few days ago my mother-in-law kindly came to the house to sit with the kids so I could run to the store quickly.  I hopped in the car (always feeling rushed) and raced down the street.  I can honestly tell you that the next part is a little scary.  I got to the Country Kitchen (a restaurant outside of town) before I realized I drove about a mile beyond my turn.  I have no idea where the hell I thought I was going.  Maybe it was my subconscious taking over, trying to help me flee.

Frequently I find that words completely escape me.  I’ll be trying to explain something and for the life of me I can’t think of the damn word.  For example “Can you hand me the… ummm… that thing… that thingy… right there!”  The word I was looking for was “diaper” and how could I forget it?  Really?  I have no idea.

I was thinking the other night that maybe my dad was right about his idea of having children making your teeth fall out – as I seriously contemplated whether or not to brush my teeth before bed.  I was so damn tired that the thought of having to stand upright at the sink and make a brushing motion was simply too much.  You’ll be happy to know I suffered through it, while sitting on the toilet.

When I’ve gone several days with minimal sleep (2-3 consistent hours/night) I become REALLY emotional and cry… about nothing.  Kind of like my children when it’s past their nap time.

So basically my disclaimer should read:

Sleep Deprived-

Do not operate a motor vehicle, heavy machinery, make a bottle, try to talk or attempt to function in any way.

Side effects may include the following:

Impaired speech, impaired vision, unattractive appearance, bad breath, body odor, extreme variation in emotions, unkempt hair, blotchy skin and loss of short-term memory.

Should these symptoms persist for more than 15 years- it’s safe to say you’ve completely lost your mind.

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3 thoughts on “Sleep deprivation and its disclaimer…

  1. OMG — hysterical. I know every mom can relate to this, especially those housewives of, what is it??? New Jersey or Beverly Hills? Those are the “REAL” housewives and moms! You’re still beautiful, Meg, regardless! 🙂

    Like

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