A bunch of woodchucks…


The word Woodchuck in this body of writing means the following:

A slang term meaning an unsophisticated rustic, yokel, ‘hick’; also as a term of mild contempt. (1931 —) . R.Banks He could go to weddings or funerals…and not look like a hick, a woodchuck (1989).

It is geographically predominate to this specific New York State region- South Western Steuben County. Outside of this general area people look at you funny when you use the word- thinking you are referring to the furry rodent that lives underground. This in many cases- is the same thing as the people you’re referring to. I felt the need to explain the various meanings of the word before telling my story- so as not to confuse those who are not from this immediate area. With that being said…

The other day I took the kids for ice cream. After receiving our frosty treats, we walked to the front lawn of the high school where the kids ran and played. Dirty, covered in ice cream and remnants from previous meals that day, they were more interested in fighting with each other and running wild than eating their ice cream. I spent twenty minutes corralling and refereeing, when I finally deciding to pack them up and take them home. The three boys had climbed a tree and were making attempts at kicking each other out of it. They were fighting, crying and carrying on, being boys in general. After calling to them repeatedly and asking them to stop -to which they made every effort to ignore, I walked over and threatened their hind-ends. Their antics and my forceful tone drew the attention of people eating their ice cream in the parking lot next to the school lawn. Gathering their pouty faces, I proceeded home explaining to them that “I didn’t appreciate their efforts to make us all look like a bunch of woodchucks.”

Yesterday, I had the three youngest with me shopping. As always, I was hurrying to get my errands finished before one of the babies had a complete meltdown. I told Kian to get out of the car (something he is completely capable of doing on his own) and be careful while I loaded the two littlest in the shopping cart. I got the babies in the cart and waited for Kian to get out of the car.  I stood- waiting and waiting calling “Kian… Kian… KIAN????”

Finally, I went to the door to see what was taking him so long. I found him sitting on his knees, opening and closing his hands in a “flashing” motion making loud “beeeeeeeeep beeeeeep, aunkkkkkk aunkkkkk” noises.

I stood there for a moment waiting for him to notice me. When he didn’t, I quietly asked “Kian? Are you trying to make mommy crazier than I already am?”

Snapped back to reality from train world, he looked up at me, smiled and said “Sorry momma” and got out of the car.

I said “It’s okay buddy, but you really need to pay attention and listen to mommy. We are in the parking lot with cars and it’s dangerous.”

“Okay momma” He replied.

As we began to walk into the store, he looked up at me and said “Do you sometimes wish you didn’t have four children?”

My heart in my throat, I immediately replied “Never! I love my four children very much. I just wish sometimes they listened better.” All the while I was thinking ‘Great mother of the year- there’s another one for their therapist.’

He nodded in response and after a minute said “Like when we don’t listen and make us all look like a bunch of woodchucks?”

Sighing, I agreed “Yeah buddy, like then. Glad to hear you were listening that time.”

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