It’s been a while since I’ve written, for many reasons. I’ve not had a moment to stop, think and put it on paper. And when I have, my thoughts haven’t exactly been warm and fuzzy. When they’re real ugly, it’s best I keep them to myself. If you can’t say something nice and all. Some messages of mean are best kept to oneself or until others die.
I’ve also suffered from a bit of writers block, a result of Seasonal Affective Disorder and Misanthropy. The cure for this would be for me to head to a warm, sunny beach completely secluded and vacant of people. However, the closest I’ll get to that is shutting the door to my office and staring at the picture on my computer of Chapoquoit Beach from last year’s vacation to Cape Cod. I recognized that this sounds like whining and I really don’t care.
Lately, I’ve tossed around the option of completely deleting my Facebook page. Why? Well- because people bug me. Which is truly more me than them- sometimes. I think I’ve more than established, a “social” network is not the place for me. So I’ve decided to step back from my newsfeed and play the Goodnight Moon memory game with my children more often. I’ve been focusing on trying not to feel burned out with my little ones and be a better mom. And despite their efforts to kill me, I’ve resolved to fight back and live. Centering in on my inner calm, I’ve been able to restore some semblance of tranquility in my home.
As a matter of fact, the other night was rather enjoyable as the children gathered around and watched me sob through the Bender Ball ab work out. Cheering me on and questioning whether or not I was okay. “Momma, you okay? Only four more mom!”
After my ab workout, I followed it up with the Brazilian Butt routine lead by Satan’s own personal trainer and his horrific Brazilian accent. I quit halfway through, but only after I’d knocked over two of the boys little plastic chairs, smashed into their bed a half a dozen times and kicked a number of books off their bookshelf trying to do the “Ipanema”. Some bullshity step, kick, lunge, squat, step, reverse, kick, squat, lunge motion that was more painful than I can reasonably find words for. So at the risk of completely destroying their room (the only place in the house that has a DVD player with a remote to fast forward with), I figured I’d better call it an evening and go get some Advil.
Three Advil and an ice pack later; we sat together on the couch and watched Iron Man 2. It was an evening worth repeating, minus Mr. Ipanema. As I sat there, I thought about the fact that February was here and the horror of my husband being in paramedic school is almost over. Notwithstanding the stress of many things and his overall lack of presence over the past year, we’ve hung in there. We’re almost ready to close this chapter and move on to the next. Where that will take us, I don’t know. But what I’ve learned over the course of the past thirteen months is this-
- Although I outwardly appear to be an overly social, people person, I’m REALLY not.
- I don’t mind being alone.
- I can be a single parent of four children.
- Even though most days it feels like my kids are going to kill me, they won’t.
- I love my husband. He is a wonderful man and I can’t wait to meet him again- in April.
- Exercising sucks.
- The only place I can go to the bathroom alone is at work.
- Someone else always has it worse then you.
- Even if Dad’s in the kitchen, my children will still request Mom to fix whatever it is they want.
- A firm crack on the ass never hurt anyone.
- Your children grow and change faster than you realize.
- My oldest son will be driving in four years.
- Mid-life crises are overrated.
- Bad days do go away.
- My mother’s words of wisdom are truer than any other I’ve known.
- Exhaustion causes your brain to turn into mush.
- My children love me unconditionally.
- I could move from here, tomorrow.
- Most things are situational.
- Keeping a house clean is impossible and not important enough to make you miserable.
- When all the kids sleep through the night, the cat will unfailingly wake you up to go out.
- There is a light at the end of the tunnel- sometimes WAY at the end. But it’s there nonetheless.
- Wine is an ideal sedative.
- Having all but one of your children potty trained is a blessing.
- Sometimes it’s better to just listen.
- My crazy calm is more effective than completely flipping out.
- I have amazing restraint.
- A mother’s strength exceeds that of the strongest man alive.
- This too shall pass.
- A night of Goodnight Moon Memory Game and homemade slushies’ is way more fun than anything on Facebook.