A Moment of Weakness…

I’ve been trying very hard, lately, to be super conscientious about what I am eating. And I’ve been making better efforts to exercise. This is because I’ve gained around ten pounds since returning to work after being a stay at home mother. Yeah, ten pounds. This is because I sit at a desk and eat confectionary concoctions co-workers compile (that’s called alliteration, btw) five days a week and then go to lunch with friends. Sure, I’ll have a salad, with blue cheese and a side of fries and a cup of chili with a schlep of cheese.

So in the best interest of my ever growing ass, I’ve signed up for Zumba at lunch and signed in to Weight Watchers on-line. It’s all about maintenance at this point, but I’m not going to lie- it’s not been easy. I’ve hung in there with the exercise and tried desperately to count points, but at the end of the day I’ve realized one very important thing- I’M STARVING!

In general I’ve always eaten healthy. I love vegetables, LOVE them. I stick to lean meats like chicken and pork and usually don’t eat large portions of anything. But feeling so restricted has played a huge head game with me. All day long I think about what I can eat or drink, when I can eat and how much I can eat.

Well, today I snapped. That’s right. I’m admitting it to all of you. I went to my lunchtime scheduled Zumba class and then came back and had a huge salad. It was wonderful, leafy greens, orange sweet peppers, onions, romaine, tomatoes, goat cheese, carrots, and cucumbers, a beautiful combination of scrumptious vegetables. I filled my twelve ounce glass up with ice cubes and water and scoffed at the lemon frosted Easter cupcakes on the table.

I polished off my bowl of salad in five minutes and then sat at my desk thinking about the cupcakes upstairs. I reasoned with myself that one wouldn’t hurt; after all I did work out vigorously at lunch. What’s one cupcake?

Well two cupcakes later, I walked into my house with groceries for dinner. Tacos for Taco Tuesday! And a big bag of Doritos just in case someone wanted a taco salad. Eyeing the bag of nacho cheese heaven, I blew past the kids and called out a brief hello. Almost running, I headed straight to the kitchen where I dropped the other bags on the floor and tore into the family sized sack of Doritos. Shaking with glee and starvation (sort of), I ravenously devoured half the bag. Stuffing one cheesy chip after another into my mouth, I was suddenly stuck by sodium over load and could only think of the next best thing to go with my family bag of chips- a cold beer to quench my thirst. For ten minutes, I sat in Dorito heaven and guzzled an ice cold beer. I don’t think anyone even realized I was home. It was my quiet moment of binge eating- sigh. Thank God they found me! I would have eaten the entire bag.

So after this afternoons back slide, I’ve concluded two things. I’m seriously lacking in self-discipline. And although salad, tofu and fruit are wonderful, good for you, what you should eat foods. You’ll still be staving after you eat them, regardless of how much you eat.

What really fills you up? Two cupcakes, half a family size bag of Doritos and beer.


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Meghan Dwyer

Meghan K. Dwyer is an aspiring writer, misanthrope, cystic fibrosis advocate, wife and mother of four beautiful children. She lives in rural Western New York with her husband Chris and their four children Braeden, Kian, Kelan, and Ailey. She has a love of writing and in her spare time, enjoys a good book, sharing a glass of wine with friends or family and gardening. The name of her blog A Message of Mean from Meghan was inspired by an email containing that title, which was sent to her sister and friend. Her writing is full of sarcasm and truthful, yet at times, abrasive humor. Her blog is about sharing her thoughts of her day, confessions as a mother, and opinions about life in general as a kind of therapy. Meghan has written two romance novels in her Ellington Manor Series- a three book publication. When One Door Closes and Almost Forgotten are both available now on Amazon.com and Barns&Noble.com, as well as her other works, A Message of Mean from Meghan and newly published Confessions of a Bad Mom. She is currently working on Hoping for Happiness, the final book in the Ellington Manor Series.

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