Confession of a bad mom:

In the midst of rushing Ailey out the door to dance class, while preparing dinner and helping with homework, she stopped and said to me, her dark brown eyes intense, “I wish you would stay in the room at dance like the other moms.” Now normally I’d be like, “Yeah, ain’t nobody got time for that…” but I’ve been feeling a tad under the weather and so that pretty much closed me up for the night. Choking back tears, I explained, “I know, honey. But mommy has to pick up your bother and get back home to dinner and the boys.” She smiled and said, “I know, momma.” and gave me a big kiss. I dropped her off and drove away thinking, “Well, we’ll chalk up another one for their future therapist.” #mymomjustdropsmeoff #shesabadmom #aintnobodygottimeforthat


Confession of a bad mom: The reality of Mother’s Day…

Confession of a bad mom:

The reality of Mother’s Day is… it’s just another day in the life of a mother.  And though it may be the very best of intentions of those who love you, you still typically end up cleaning, cooking, and yelling at your children.

For example, yesterday my husband had to work.  I was okay with that as I was looking forward to having a quiet, low-key day at home.  It had been a busy week for our little family and some downtime was all this mom needed.  But that wasn’t to be… I spent the morning scolding my children about their constant fighting. And by 11 o’clock Kelan had kicked a soccer ball into a trio of wine glasses, shattering them and sending shards of glass flying in twenty directions.   Thirty minutes later, after cleaning up glass, I made lunch… with the only thing we had in the house… Spaghettio’s.  My “starved” children ate about three scoops before they moved on to systematically disassembling my house.  Curtains were ripped from windows, toys were strewn about, and fighting once again commenced.

Now… you may be thinking, “Well, what the hell were you doing while all this was going on?”  And I don’t blame you for asking…  because sometimes I ask myself that very question.  This time I have an answer.  You see, I was picking up the mess from lunch and vacuuming… again.

The final straw came when Ailey took the vacuum cleaner attachment to Kelan’s face.  That led to what I like to refer to as some ass-cracking, afternoon-nap taking time.  Others like to call it “time out.”

After everyone got sent to their respective “timeout” spots, I sat on the couch and listened to my naughty children cry in their rooms.  Tears streamed down my face, because I was the worst mother on the face of the earth… on Mother’s Day.

My oldest two, thankfully not a part of any of the day’s debacle, hugged me and kissed me and reassured me that I was the “best mom” and that their siblings were just being extra naughty. Kian explained that he was pretty sure they’d just saved it all up for Mother’s Day.  Later, my husband came home and tried to save the day.  He brought home dinner and even made efforts to find flowers and wine, to no avail.

However, he did declare it officially Mother’s Week in our house.

But it wasn’t until my mom returned my “Happy Mother’s Day” call later, that I truly felt better.  I cried and lamented on the phone with the one person who knew what a crappy Mother’s Day could be like.  Her laughter and consoling had me feeling so grateful that I still had a mom to call.

That realization made my day beautiful.  Even at 38, my mom made it all better!  It was the silver lining I needed. Because the reality is, every day is Mother’s Day… the house will never be perfect, the laundry will never be done, the kids will always be fighting about something, and our mom-breaks are far and few, but that’s what we sign up for when we become a mother.  It’s our expectations that get in the way… and sometimes, the best comfort is in the solidarity of others who’ve walked that very same path we’re on.

So, to all the mothers out there who work so damn hard, I hope you had the very best day ever.  But if you didn’t… solidarity, sister!  I feel you and I hope it makes it a little better.  Because I’m certain that whatever crappy day you’ve had, you’re still a great mom.

#happymothersday #peckersup #youreagreatmom #blessedtostillhavemymom #Illegitiminoncarborundum

Confessions of a bad mom: A compilation…

Est. November 18th, 2016


Confession of a bad mom:

Ailey this morning: Da da, can we watch TV while we drink our cocoa?

Chris: No honey, we don’t have time for TV this morning. We have to get dressed and get moving.

Ailey (in a sing-song voice): I’m gonna kick your ass.

#plantcorn #applesandtrees #chipofftheoleblock #littlemeghan

Confession of a bad mom: The sooner I come to the realization that, despite my efforts, my house is not going to look like something out of a Pottery Barn catalogue and instead, resembles something more akin to Stanford and Son, the better off my overall health will be.  #fourkids  #cantfightit #johnnyjunkhouse

Confession of a bad mom: Sometimes I wonder if my children will only remember me for having perpetual wine breath.

Confession of a bad mom: I really can’t wait for my two littlest children to be able to tie their own shoes. Each time I have to do it, they hold onto my hair to balance themselves, which A) hurts, B) really messes it up and C) overall bugs the hell out of me.

Confession of a bad mom: I told the kids they couldn’t have cookies before dinner. Then I hid in the kitchen and stuffed down two. Now I’m worried they’ll smell my cookie breath. #ImtheadultImaketherules #doasIsaynotasIdo

Confession of a bad mom: Kian is playing a recorder in the school play next week. The teacher sent home a note with the option to purchase one of our very own for $3.25. Never have I been happier to conveniently, accidentally on purpose lose a piece of paper. #notinthisdamnhouse #keepitinschool

Confession of a bad mom: I think my children sound like little demons when they wake me up at night. For years they’ve been scaring the hell out of me as they stand next to my bed, staring creepily at me until I feel it and wake startled. Or they whisper in a prolonged, raspy, barely auditable voice, “Moooommm…”

Confession of a bad mom: Elf on the Shelf is ruining my life. #ihatehim #burnthelittlebastard

Confession of a bad mom: I once thought I’d like to start a business called S & M Wine Tours, named after a friend and me. But then I pictured my children telling their teacher, “My mommy works at S & M Wine Tours…” #goodideabadname  #sharonandmeghanwinetours

Confession of a bad mom: Someone recently asked me how we manage Christmas with four children. My response… “I have holes in my underwear.”

Confession of a bad mom: Chris came to bed late last night and I asked him if he remembered to move the Elf on the Shelf. He said, “No. Where do you want me to put him?” My response… “The garbage.”

Confession of a bad mom: Kelan, last night at his brother’s music concert, rolled his eyes when the kids started blowing in off-tune shrieks on their recorders and said to me, “Wow! That’s REEEAALLY annoying.” That moment when you realize your child really does emulate everything you say and do.
#sogladwedidnotpurchaseoneofourveryown #sometimesitmakesmesoproud

Confession of a bad mom: The elves on The Polar Express are as creepy as the one on my shelf. #imstartingtoreallythinktheyarereal #peopleforpeopleagainstcreepyelves

Confession of a bad mom: Getting little children dressed to go outside and play in the snow is one of the most exhausting and annoying things E.V.E.R. #theyllbebackininfiveminutes #holyshit #snowface #missingglove #imsweatingandneedadrink

Confession of a bad mom: My very smart children have now figured out how to blame various mishaps and occurrences, that may reflect negatively on them, on The Elf on the Shelf. What am I supposed to do, call b.s. and tell them I know they’re all little liars?????  #elfiediditnotme #thelittleredbastardisouttogetme #mychildrenaresmarterthenIam

Confession of a bad mom: Ailey was just lecturing my husband about “no more chicken head.” When I asked him what she was talking about, he said, “Apparently she didn’t like the ponytail I tried to do earlier today. She told me it looked like chicken hair.” #girlhairproblems  #weareinbigtrouble

Confession of a bad mom: Frozen just came on and I actually got more excited than the kids! #letitgo #singitloudsingitproud #mymovieisonstoptalking

Confession of a bad mom: Ailey snuggled up on me last night and before she drifted off to sleep she said, “Momma, your breath smells like grapes.” #mymommyalwayssmellslikewine #shewillunderstandwhensheisolder #pourmeanotherglass

Confession of a bad mom: There is no helping out of the car, hand-holding, book bag carrying, and walking the ten feet to the front door when dropping my kids off at school in the morning. It’s tuck and roll time, people. The countdown to departure begins as I round the corner of the school. I slow down just enough to withstand potential bodily injury and the door barely opens before they’re out it and on their merry way.

#getoutthecar#fourkidsfourschools  #aintnobodygottimeforthat

Confession of a bad mom: Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is a commercial grade washer and dryer. You know, the giant ones that wash and dry ten loads at once. Yes, please.  #keepthediamondsandgivemesomethingIcanreallyuse #okIwilltakethediamondstoo  #climbingthelaundrymountain

Confession of a bad mom: I just moved that effing red bastard for the last time… until December, 2017. #itsallover  #elfontheshelfsucks

Confession of a bad mom: Somewhere in the deep recesses of sleep I just heard Braeden call out, “Mom, hurry and get in the bathroom! Kian is throwing up!!” And somehow, on cloud like wings, my feet flew before my slumbering body and found my little guy horribly sick into the toilet. For a brief moment, I think my husband shuffled in behind me. I caught a glimpse of his sleepy self as I wiped vomit from my little Kian’s face. I think he grunted and went back to sleep. After, when I crawled back into bed to his snoring, I said (too myself),”And that’s exactly why you don’t get to be the mom.” #numbertwoisdown  #weareallnext  #pukebugchristmasvacation #itsgoingtowhipoutthewholehouse

Confession of a bad mom: Ailey just realized I was holding an empty wine glass and said, “Oh! Let me get you some more wine!” And then ran to the refrigerator and grabbed the bottle…
#gotherwelltrained  #mommasfavoritegirl  #wineenthusiastintraining #proudmommoment

Confession of a bad mom: Chris just called me sweetie (I know. I don’t know why, either.) and I smiled and said to Ailey, “When you get older, you should marry a guy just like Daddy.” She shook her head and said, “I’m not gettin’ married! I’m just gettin’ lucky!” #jesushelpme #iamprettysureshedoesntknowwhatthatmeans #goodlucktowhoeverlandsher

Confession of a bad mom: That glorious moment when all of your children are in bed and asleep by 9 pm… and you find yourself still watching whatever crappy cartoon they had on. #tootiredtocare #spongebobsquarepantsforlife  #pourmeaglassofwineandIwillwatchanything

Confession of a bad mom: Trying to feed my children is the bane of my existence. They eat N.O.T.H.I.N.G. I make. And I’m a damn good cook! But I’m also a firm believer in the, “Eat it or go hungry” motto. So now, whenever the meal doesn’t suit them, they openly opt to go hungry … with a shrug. “Yeah, I’m good. I’ll just go hungry.”   #Idontlikethat  #thatlooksdisgusting #cantwinhereissomemacncheesefromabox

Confession of a bad mom: Kian’s birthday party was today. At one point, when I was laying down some ground rules, I asked who the boss was at my house.

Everyone (except Ailey who was lurking in the background) responded, “You are!”
Ailey answered, “Daddy!”
At which point everyone stared, horrified, at her. She then said, “Just kiddin,” and laughed.
Then one of Kian’s friends said to me, straight faced, “Seriously. I’m WAY more scared of you than I am of Chris!” #scarymom #aileyknowswhosboss #Ilaydownthelaw #daddymyass

Confession of a bad mom: My face when my children’s teachers send me the following notes:
“We’ve had 3 cases of head lice in our class.”
“There are 5 reported cases of strep in our classroom.”
“I sent home 3 children in our class today who have the vomit bug.”
“Your son misplaced the check you sent in for ski club. We can’t seem to find it anywhere. You may want to double check his bag.”

#sweetbabyjesus#ineedamoment #myheaditches #someonegrabmeabottleofwine

Confession of a bad mom: I don’t jump up and run when my children start crying. I wait a minute to judge the pitch and tone of the cry. More often than not, it’s what I call a “crap cry” as opposed to a genuine, “I’m really hurt” cry. Therefore, my reaction time is almost non-responsive. And I’m pretty sure it stresses other people out. Like the time Ailey was flopping around in a foot of water and informed me, mid fake drowning, that I “Wasn’t even paying attention to my precious daughter!” Thank god she pulled through.   #yourenotbleeding  #spitonityourefine #makeamericagreatagainandstopbabyingyourchild

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